


just please hold on and then you'll see (that i'm not the villain i appear to be)

by fritter



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: AU where vanya forgets about the apocalypse when they go back, Character Development, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fix-It, Gen, No beta we die like mne, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding, Temporary Amnesia, allison and luther realize they don't have romantic feelings for each other, but she ends up fixing them back, immediately after season 1, they all drink Respecting Vanya Juice, they try to "fix" vanya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 20:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17856575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fritter/pseuds/fritter
Summary: "Maybe, Vanya muses, it is all just a well elaborated prank.Pranks were normal in a household like theirs. Wars have been officially banned after The Great Flood of 1999 (Mom had sent a dissapointed look their way afterwards, and Diego cried for a week), but besides that, they kept it going. Circle of life, revenge is encouraged, if using powers don't go too far, the usual rules.Not that Vanya was ever involved (they wouldn't aprecciate it if she made a move), but she had noticed it the time Allison's hair was slightly tinted green during breakfast when a week before, Klaus had asked her if she was using one of the chemestry books. Her screams of rage had been audible from the library, and she refused to speak to Klaus until he bought her a new bottle of nail polish.".Or, In which Vanya has dreams she can't remember, her siblings are hiding something and Reginald knows far too much.





	just please hold on and then you'll see (that i'm not the villain i appear to be)

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to Gerard Way, who managed to create an universe I just had to write something about. Fixed the letter, the mobile formatting was hell but it should be working now. If you ever want to ramble about the amazing character dynamics and mechanics, you can find me on tumblr as frittering-sandcastle!
> 
> Edit: Apparently there's some confusion on the matter, so I'll clear this up: this takes place after season one, but Vanya is the only one who can't remember the apocalypse. Her conciousness is thirteen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya is running out of options.

If someone were to ask her, Vanya would say her siblings are up to something.

Of course, it is unlikely anyone would find her opinion worth hearing, but she wonders anyways. For all the extraordinary things her siblings can do, being discreet is definitely not one of them. Usually, they manage to complete most of the missions Dad assigns them with the bare minimum amount of teamwork and mutual desire to be done with them as soon as possible. Even from her room, she can tell when her siblings have saved the day once again: the noisy cheering, obnoxious laughter and petty arguments over who-did-what.

If Vanya had to pick a sound for victory, that would be it.

 

That's why she can immediately tell today's mission was a failure.

 

As the front door opens, there is silence. The heavy footsteps echoing through the house only accentuate it – the perfect buildup for a stern lecture.

‘’It is with great displeasure that I declare this mission a complete and ignominious failure.’’ The rhythm of his pacing matches Vanya’s own racing heart. Even hidden from his gaze, she feels put on the spot.‘’Your performance this afternoon was pathetic and shall forever be regarded as a stain on the Academy’s name.’’

Ben scoffs, and she feels her jaw go slack at quiet, shy, Number Six breaking the no-talking rule. Nothing follows course, so Vanya concludes it’s over. Assuming her brother’s out-of-character boldness is an isolated event, she is about to turn around, return to the safety of her room and call it a day.

 

That is, until Luther intervenes.

 

‘’Dad, If I may interject, we only failed because Klaus didn’t manage to fill his role as a lookout.’’ He said, looking very intently at his shoes.

A beat passes.

‘’Oh, really?’’ Allison snaps, glaring at Luther like he had just ripped her favorite magazine to a million pieces. ‘’Now let’s blame the group for your personal failure, _that’s so mature!_ ’’ She is rolling her eyes now, jaw clenched. Any previous worry for her own wellbeing seems to be forgotten.

Luther blinks heavily, only catching up with the words a few seconds later. _Good_ , Vanya thinks. At least she isn’t the only one confused by the way they're all acting. ‘’That’s not what I meant, and you know it.’’

As if there had not been enough surprises for the day, Ben speaks up, disbelief bleeding into his tone, ‘’No one cares about what you meant to do, Luther. You have _no right_ of saying anything about Klaus when – ‘’

‘’If we’re gonna have this conversation now, I’m going to my room. ’’ Diego interrupts, playing with his knives almost absent-mindedly. Vanya does not miss the way his scowl softens when his eyes met Mom’s.

Five gives an exaggerated sigh, mouthing something that looks suspiciously like _here we go again_.

That seems to snap Dad from his shell shocked state. Their strange behavior had been there for a while, yet he didn’t seem to care enough to notice anything not related to training until it affected their performance.

‘’Number Three, Number Six, that is enough. I will not tolerate this sort of behavior.’’ Klaus snickers, only to be elbowed in the ribs by Ben.

Allison rolls her eyes at their antics, though it seems to be less annoyed.

_Is that fondness in her eyes?_

‘’Number One?’’ Disappointment drips from Dad’s tone, and for the millionth time in in her life, Vanya wonders how he manages to inspire fear like that.

‘’Yes, Dad?’’ Luther’s voice wavers as he looks up expectantly.

‘’Do not bother excusing your poor attempts at leadership with your siblings shortcomings; it is a waste of my time. You ought to contact me only when you have achieved something of use.’’ Even from her hiding spot, Vanya flinches at the jab. It wasn’t common to see those directed at him.

From what she can tell, Luther thinks the same. His shoulders drop and with a tired, tired voice, he says, ‘’I understand.’’

 

Vanya can’t remember ever seeing him look so small.

 

She screws her eyes shut, and hopes it’s finally over. There’s only so much weirdness she can take for a day.

‘‘Pogo will take care of your training during the following week, seen as I have business to attend. You are excused for now.’’

As her siblings begin roam free around the house, Vanya realizes her cue. Wasting no time, she carefully makes her way through the long corridor, slips in her room and tries not to think about how exhausted they all looked.

 _You did nothing to help them_ , a particularly mean part of her mind supplies, and suddenly, she feels weary. Before her eyes close, she registers Mom left her medicine by the nightstand. She'll take it later, when she wakes up. A few hours of rest won't hurt.

 

 

Outside, a storm beings to form.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe, Vanya muses, it is all just a well elaborated prank. 

 

Pranks were normal in a household like theirs. Wars have been officially banned after The Great Flood of 1999 (Mom had sent a dissapointed look their way afterwards, and Diego cried for a week), but besides that, they kept it going. Circle of life, revenge is encouraged, if using powers don't go too far, the usual rules.

Not that Vanya was ever involved (they wouldn't aprecciate it if she made a move), but she had noticed it the time Allison's hair was slightly tinted green during breakfast when a week before, Klaus had asked her if she was using one of the chemestry books. Her screams of rage had been audible from the library, and she refused to speak to Klaus until he bought her a new bottle of nail polish.

 _If that were the case, wouldn't they have grown bored of it by now?_ , she reconsiders. Her siblings never had the best attention span. Then again, she'd have to stick with this theory for now. She was running out of possible explanations for their sudden change in attitude too fast for her taste. 

That's why when Diego asks her, through the stutter, to sneak out with them to grab _doughnuts_ of all things, head low, she thinks nothing of it. Someone must have dared him to do it. With a practiced quirk of lips, she tells him they can go and no, she won't tell Mom or Pogo about it.

Her violin needs practice, anyways. The thought almost makes the pang in her it less painful as her brother walks away. 

With no one to complain about the noise, Vanya thinks can be a bit louder this time (Mom is charging, and Pogo went out for groceries. That gives her a few hours to work on her technique). A few minutes pass, just to be sure, then she picks up her violin, positions her bow, and -- 

''Hey, Vanya.'' Five says, popping in her room with no previous warning.

She can't help the yelp that leaves her mouth, and jumps at the sound. The violin is dropped in the process, but seems to be fairly intact, as far as she can tell.  

''Jesus Five, you scared me.'' Vanya wheezed, fixing him a half-hearted glare. ''Why are you even here? weren't you going out with the others?'' 

''Oh, so Diego wasn't lying. Why can't you come with us?'' His tone was innocent, but his eyes dared her to say it out loud.

Bastard. She wasn't going down without a fight, though. 

''I have to finish this piece before Dad gets home. It's complicated, and he doesn't like to hear me getting the notes wrong.'', she lied through her teeth. Dad never cared for her violin playing, save for the monthly reports he requested on her progress. Holed up inside his office, she wondered if he could ever hear her practicing. 

Then, her stomach grumbles. 

Five raises an eyebrow. He's officialy her least favorite brother. 

''That's a lie, and we both know it. Now come, before I have to drag you with me.'' He retorts, without missing a beat. Damn it. _At least she tried_ , Vanya reasoned as she reluctantly stepped forward. On a normal day, she wouldn't have budged so easily, but she trusts Five. He wouldn't ask her to go if this was a prank, right?

Vanya wanted to believe him, and he gave her reason to. That was enough for her, so she let herself follow him to the courtyard.

Ben was the first to spot her, looking around as he beamed. ''Five did manage to bring her here. Tough luck, Diego.'', he says, turning to them with a grin on his face. 

''Hey! I did a-ask her, o-okay? It's not fair I was the ff-first one to go.'' Diego mutters, squinting at their brother. Behind him, Klaus seemed to be engrossed with untangling a ball of yarn, which was definitely not the weirdest thing she had ever seen Klaus do, so she doesn't pay him any mind. Allison stood by his side, as far as she could from Luther. When she notices Vanya's presence, her eyes shine with glee. 

''You're finally here! Can we go now?'' She whines, but there's no bite behind it. Their ragtag group of seven hungry children manages to walk in silence up until the first room, when Diego starts boasting and bets he can reach Griddy Doughnuts before any of them. (If the creases between Ben's brows dissapear after that, no one mentions it.) Five cheats, as always, Klaus convinces Allison to help him, and by the time they get there, Vanya has a smile on her face. 

She takes a deep breath, and greedly drinks in every detail of the outside world - There's a woman on her phone, voice soft and fond. In front of the shop, a child laughs, holding an ice cream cone like it's the most precious thing in the world. A dog barks a few blocks from there, chasing a motorcycle. A bit further ahead, she can hear traffic. The news host in the radio of an old, battered car says something about the weather, and then -- 

''--anya! Vanya, can you hear me?'' Allison's voice filters in, and everything else fades. Vanya stares, not sure of what she's supposed to do.

Her sister sighs, and says, ''We're ordering now. Do you want anything?'' If she didn't know better, Vanya would say Allison looked concerned. Focusing on the question, she considered her options for a few seconds before deciding. ''I'll have a Chocolate Mint doughnut, if that's alright.'' 

''Okay, I'll be right back.'' The waitress gives them a confused look, but soon turns around and heads back to the counter. 

As soon as she turns her head, they all immediatly fall silent. The sudden stop makes it impossible for her to pretend not to notice it, so she stares. Their guilty faces give them away, but nobody speaks up. That's alright. Vanya isn't fond of silence, but she grew used to it. As long as there's a fickle of a sound, be it jarring or soft, there's still something there. Even now, in their cramped table that was probably not made for seven, she it happen.

Luther pouts, looking up. It's the middle of the afternoon, but the way his eyes scan the sky makes her beileve he knows exactly where the starts are.

Diego opens and closes his mouth, repeating the cycle as if he gathers enough courage to speak up, only to lose it midway.

Allison clears her throat once, twice. Her eyes dart around, checking if someone noticed. She finds nothing, and lets herself relax against the seat.

Klaus bounces his leg under the table, hits it against the table, curses under his breath and stops. A few seconds later, he's doing it again.

Five scowls at other costumers, driving them away. His fingers tap at a frenetic pace, following no particular rythym.

Ben stares at his hands, deep in thought. His lips are getting swollen from all the biting.

 

Vanya may have grown used to silence, but her siblings clearly despise it. She swallows, using the confidence being invited for their outing gave her as a crutch, and takes the first step. 

''It's nice, in here. We could do this more often.''

They all look at her. 

Then, the space is filled with voices.

''Yes! I know right? Can you believe they do --'' 

''Back off, there's no way I'm doing that!'' 

''I hate all of you.''

''No, you don't. Remember when -- OUCH, STOP PULLING MY HAIR!''

''We should head back, Pogo isn't gonna be gone for much longer'' 

''And? It's not like he doesn't know we'll be back. Chill, will you?'' 

''I can't believe I actually trusted you with this.''

''It's my charm.''

 There's something warm inside her chest. Vanya relaxes, and lets herself enjoy the moment, humming and gasping at the right places. They're far from perfect, but then again, so is she. They're her family, and for now, that's enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

To say she is confused when Klaus bursts in her room with a huge paper wrapped gift box is an understandment.

 

''Happy Christmas, Vanya!'', He says loudly, with a desperate edge on his voice, dumps the package on her arms and points two shaky fingerguns her way.

‘’Uh,’’ Vanya says, eloquently.

Last time she checked, it was early May. 

Then he's gone, just as quickly as he arrived. Vanya manages to hear bits and pieces of a conversation coming from the corridor.

''--nd what did you expect me to do? I panicked, okay? Stop giving me that look, Ben.'' Klaus' familar voice whisper-shouts. The answer is unintelligible, but Vanya would recognize Ben's dissapointed tone anywhere. She strains her hearing a bit more and almost misses the retort. 

''Now you're judging me. It's just like old times! Give it a rest, buddy! You don't need to lecture me now that you're not st--'' The conversation is cut by the noise of something crashing. Resinged, Vanya turns to the box. There's a card attached to it. She immediately recognizes Ben's neat handwriting and Klaus' favorite glitter pen (it's the brightest, most obnouxious shade of pink she's ever seen. It fits him). She squints to read the scribbles on fancy paper.

 ~~HAPPY CHRISTMAS~~ CONGRATULATIONS VANYA!

We ~~stole the letter from dad~~ found out that you got accepted in that orchestra you applied for! we're all happy for you, so we decided  ~~as a group~~ you deserved a ~~recompense for your efforts~~ gift!

Signed,

 ~~Number O~~ Luther

Diego

Allison

klaus >:3

Mr. Five

Ben

  
[Image: There's a poorly made drawing with stick figures. It was drawn with crayons. One of the stick figures has bangs, and crooked hearts around it. For some reason, there's glitter stuck to the page.]

 

Her lips involuntarially quirk upwards, and it's not even about the orchestra.The pink clashes horribly with the yellow highlighter, the drawing is hideous and the writing is a bit crooked, but Vanya finds she doesn't mind any of it. Of course, it was a mess, but this card had clearly been a group effort. She could tell where each and every sibling was involved, from Allison's blocky ketters to Five's constant editing, the neat lines made with a fountain pen giving him away. She considers folding it up and hiding it inside her closet, but decides against it. Instead, she hurriedly looked for tape, stuck the paper to a wall next to her bed, and smiled. Now, she would see it every morning.

Of all the reminders Vanya recieved in her life, this was the one she liked best.

Satisfied, she picks up the box. In a blink of an eye, she gets rid of the wrapping. The box is now average-sized. Vanya shrugs, and lifts the lid. Inside it, there is...

_Another box._

Her eye twitches. Her siblings aren't above a matryoshka-doll-themed gift, but they can be more creative if this is a nod to her heritage. She rules that option out after a closer look, though. The wood has a polished look to it, smooth and filled with intricate details. There's a key at bottom of the paper box, which she promptly sticks inside the lock, impatient. She opens the lid, and her throat gets tight when she sees it: A carved, wooden sculpture of her stands tall, violin in hand, while a soft tune plays. It's a music box, _made for her_. Vanya's eyes prickle with tears. _How did they even get that?_

It doesn't matter, she decides. They did this _for her, Vanya_. It still feels kind of surreal. She can't risk letting Dad take it away from her, so she hides it in a spot he cameras can't reach, right under her bed. 

For the first time in a while, Vanya laughs with joy, unrestrained. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_NO_

 

_Please let me go_

_Not again_

_It was an accident_

_Dad, please I’m sorry_

_It won’t happen again let me_

_go_

_I’ll be good_

_STOP_

_can’t breathe_ _can’t breathe_ _can’t_

_hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after –_

 

As soon as Vanya opens her eyes, she tries to grasp at her memories, but it's futile. 

With a groan, she stands from her bed. The same nightmare has been plaguing her for weeks, yet she forgets it as soon as she wakes up. 

Frustration rises up her throat. For some reason, she feels like crying. 

 

Instead, she swallows the pills by her nightstand, slips under her covers and pretends to sleep.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, so if you want to tell me about it, don't hesitate! a comment would be lovely! 
> 
> stay tuned! I'll probably get the next chapter ready soon! 
> 
> PS: if you connected the dots and think I'm implying something, you're probably right ;)


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